Just the Latest

I can hardly believe that March is wrapping up already... mostly because February was spent in a blurr of frantic traveling. I know I haven't written for quite a spell, just been so dang busy, it's been hard to catch my breath, much less sit still for ten minutes.

So I figured I'd update those of you who stay in touch with me mostly through this blogsite. I got home from Virginia for only a few short days before I spent a much needed and very romantic four days in the Smokies with my wonderful gal. I hadn't realized how much I cared for her until I thought I was losing her to another. She contended that she wanted to go on with me, see what a future might offer, instead of traveling backwards into the past with her ex-love. Certainly a sentiment I respect, as I know that is the only way to go for me, as well. Why I had resisted "letting go" for so long, because once I do, well, I just don't believe in backtracking.

My dad is doing much better... He's home, and actually following the doctor's orders to a tee. In the past he has been so stubborn regarding his health, guess a brush with death will convince even the most obstinate.

I'm working on delving into the "writing world": fixing my resume, cover letter, and then sending them out. I'm realizing how much time I've spent "thinking" about all of this, all the while, "doing" nothing. It's time for me to start DOING... of course the little, gentle nudges from my terrific gal are paramount to my following through. I actually even have a 5 year personal plan now, thanks to her not giving up on me. Just a little shout out to her, giving her props that she has earned and deserves... I wish I could do more for you, but this is a step, right?

I Love My Dad

Today I venture home after spending the last several days in Virginia. I am frustrated with leaving before I can truly talk with my father, as he is still hooked up to a machine that is doing most of his breathing for him. It breaks my heart to see him lying there, tubes everywhere, leaving him inconceivably uncomfortable and unable to communicate easily. He does do quite a good job with his eyes though, pleading with us to get these tubes removed from his throat. I understand, as I was right there in the same ICU unit, having a ventilator breathe for me, just four short years ago. How I wish I could do something to ease his discomfort.

It was reassuring to see his eyes light up with joy and surprise when he first saw me. I saw how much he truly adores me, flaws and all, and that our last disagreement had been long forgotten and forgiven. The entire nine-hour drive from Louisville to here, I kept replaying our last big fight, the one that had taken place only a few short weeks before, when I had visited last. I had said some pretty harsh things, things I swore I would never say, disrespecting him the way I did through untruthful words of disdain.

I had promised myself long ago not to engage in these sort of brawls with him, knowing full well that he is set in his ways, and though I may talk until I am blue in the face, my words will never persuade him to think otherwise. Especially in regards to my lesbian life-style – this is a futile disagreement – agreeing to disagree will be the most amicable resolution we can ever endorse. Knowing that his health is not what it used to be, I decided long ago that it was not worth the risk of our last words to be of any other fashion than unconditional love and respect. Feeling certain that he will come through his latest health pitfall, I will make certain to withhold this agreement with myself, and fight no more, at least, not about things that neither of us will willingly concede to the other.