Just thought I'd pass this info on that I received from W.C. Horoscopes. I'm pretty stoked about it as it says I will be entering into a phase of transformation, likely to involve meditation. I am already beginning that journey as I read any and every thing I can on meditation these days. Right now I'm reading, "Awaken to Superconsciousness" by J. Donald Walters. It's very enlightening, but not an easy read at all, so I'm finding I can only digest a few pages at a time. Also, I'm planning to join the YMCA with one of my Empowerment Circle Sisters upon my return from Virginia. We plan to enroll in a Yoga class there. I hope you find the following as interesting and promising as I....
What if you could know in advance about profound changes headed your way that will transform your life? Would you take some steps to prepare for them? Well, Pluto is about to present a preview. Starting on January 25, 2008, after 12 years in Sagittarius, the planet of power and transformation will take a short five-month jaunt through Capricorn, until it turns retrograde and moves back into Sag on June 15, 2008. (Happy Birthday to You!)
The next 25 years...
This five-month window into the future can give you a glimpse of how your life is likely to be transformed and empowered over the next 15 years, because that's how long Pluto will stay in Capricorn after it transits back into that sign in November. So how do you prepare for this cosmic shift? First, we'll take a look at how Pluto works. Then we'll get more specific about how Pluto in Capricorn will influence each sign.
Self-knowledge is the key
If you're aware of where you need to be in life, and what changes you need to make to get there, Pluto can heighten that awareness by purging your life of attitudes, material possessions and people holding you back from fulfilling your destiny. Pluto is seldom gentle, so get ready to face up to reality and let go of what you don't need. On the other hand, if you're in the dark about your direction because you don't examine your inner life, Pluto will cast off your blinders by making you face the real you.
Charts matter
Just how it will do that depends on where Capricorn resides in your chart, and if Pluto is aspecting (influencing) your Sun, Moon or planets. For instance, if Pluto enters your Capricorn-ruled 7th house of marriage, your union will undergo a transformation that will either deepen your connection to your mate or, if you need to part ways, dissolve the marriage altogether. If you're single, Pluto will transform your attitudes about marriage so you can attract your true partner. The same can happen if Pluto aspects your Venus. It's all about eliminating the junk so you can be more authentic and live your true path.
Earth signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Earth signs will have their personal power and spiritual life transformed and empowered by Pluto in Capricorn. For Taurus, Pluto will transform your ability to see the bigger picture of your life, so you can live your true destiny. It will also empower your faith and your ability to manifest your aspirations. For Virgo, Pluto will empower your creativity by helping you focus on projects close to your heart. Speaking of heart, Pluto will also eliminate negative attitudes (and people) pertaining to your love life so you can manifest a deeper love connection. And if you have children, your connection to your kids will be transformed as well. For Capricorn, Pluto will have a profound affect on how you see yourself and your role in the world. The urge to transform your appearance - and how you appear to others - will be intense. Most important, your personal power will be strengthened so you can live your destiny more fully.
Water signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Water signs will have their relationships and communications transformed and empowered by Pluto in Capricorn. For Cancer, Pluto will transform your attitudes about marriage, and how you use your personal power in relationships. If you're in a union, Pluto will transform how you relate to each other and deepen your tie - or help you cut the connection if you're wrong for each other. Watch out for power struggles along the way. For Scorpio, Pluto will heighten your influence through words by transforming how you communicate. Your words will have power, so be careful how you use them. Pluto will also transform your relationships to your siblings and perhaps your neighbors as well. For Pisces, Pluto will transform your friendships, eliminating negative people and bringing in influential friends who can assist you. Participating in group activities will challenge - and eventually heighten - your personal power. Pluto will also transform your ideals.
Air signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Air signs will have their inner life transformed and empowered during Pluto in Capricorn, a great time for meditation and therapy. For Gemini, Pluto will transform your sex life by helping you tear down emotional walls you've erected to keep you safe. Being vulnerable enough to embrace true intimacy will be the challenge. For Aquarius, Pluto will also transform your finances by urging you to eliminate debt and it will help you come up with new ways to create income. For Libra, Pluto will transform your relationships with family members and help you eliminate negative family patterns learned in childhood. You may also get the urge to remodel or redecorate your home.
Fire signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Fire signs will have their career and finances transformed and empowered by Pluto in Capricorn. For Aries, Pluto will transform your career goals and heighten your influence at work. The challenge will be finding a balance between taking control of your projects and cooperating with others. For Leo, Pluto will transform your daily work routine, empowering your work by making you more creative and efficient. Pluto can also transform your health by helping you devise a diet and exercise makeover. For Sagittarius, Pluto will transform your relationship with money by eliminating negative attitudes about prosperity. Embracing an attitude of deserving abundance will empower your earning ability.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Releasing feelings...
I feel conflicted, confused and just exhausted... I'm trying to stay optimistic and patient, but today, things feel kinda blah....
I just spent the past two nights w/my lover, but, instead of feeling all giddy, I'm feeling sad. Mainly because I don't know when I will see her again. Long distance relationships can be so taxing. I mean, we spend every evening together on the phone, and that is nice, really nice, but it's not the same as having her to curl up next to as we drift off to sleep. I like waking up and sharing dreams, and kisses, I like affection.
And she is affectionate, very, which I love, only I crave the physical aspect of a relationship more than once every two weeks or so, and with her schedule and family, this is unlikely to change in the next year or so.
I AM grateful for her presence in my life, and maybe me whining about this seems petty or selfish. It's just that I miss her already, and doubt I will see her until after I return from Virginia.
She is soooo sweet, though, and extremely thoughtful. She did give me a huge Teddy to snuggle with in her absence. I am thankful for her, and am beginning to develop some real feelings, maybe I am just scared because of that, afraid of getting hurt again by yet another female.
All this coupled with my thoughts meandering over previous loves... I admit I have thought of Jac rather heavily here of late. She even snuck into my dreams to give me a quick peck last night, as I lay next to another... I awoke feeling confused, a lil' sad, and, yes, missing her just a tad. I know it "was just a dream", still, there is some connection that her and I share in that realm, so it felt just as real as the kiss I exchanged upon waking.
So, I guess for now, I ride things out, see what develops, free my mind of concerns, and try to stay connected to the here and now. I know too well that worrying or stressing over "what's wrong" only attracts more of the same, therefore, I'm going to just remind myself of all that is good in my life right now. There is a lot good, so that won't be too hard to do.
I just spent the past two nights w/my lover, but, instead of feeling all giddy, I'm feeling sad. Mainly because I don't know when I will see her again. Long distance relationships can be so taxing. I mean, we spend every evening together on the phone, and that is nice, really nice, but it's not the same as having her to curl up next to as we drift off to sleep. I like waking up and sharing dreams, and kisses, I like affection.
And she is affectionate, very, which I love, only I crave the physical aspect of a relationship more than once every two weeks or so, and with her schedule and family, this is unlikely to change in the next year or so.
I AM grateful for her presence in my life, and maybe me whining about this seems petty or selfish. It's just that I miss her already, and doubt I will see her until after I return from Virginia.
She is soooo sweet, though, and extremely thoughtful. She did give me a huge Teddy to snuggle with in her absence. I am thankful for her, and am beginning to develop some real feelings, maybe I am just scared because of that, afraid of getting hurt again by yet another female.
All this coupled with my thoughts meandering over previous loves... I admit I have thought of Jac rather heavily here of late. She even snuck into my dreams to give me a quick peck last night, as I lay next to another... I awoke feeling confused, a lil' sad, and, yes, missing her just a tad. I know it "was just a dream", still, there is some connection that her and I share in that realm, so it felt just as real as the kiss I exchanged upon waking.
So, I guess for now, I ride things out, see what develops, free my mind of concerns, and try to stay connected to the here and now. I know too well that worrying or stressing over "what's wrong" only attracts more of the same, therefore, I'm going to just remind myself of all that is good in my life right now. There is a lot good, so that won't be too hard to do.
Friday, January 25, 2008
A New Path
For once in my life, I feel good... about my relationships, my job, my friendships. There is nothing I want for at the moment, and that, in and of itself, is completely liberating. I'm on a path, knowing the dirrection I am headed and even suspect who may accompany me on my journey.... What else is a gal to want for???
I've given up trying to predict the future, living for tomorrow, today is here, so much more satisfying, not to mention, realistic.
I'm happy, in a nutshell, and that speaks volumes for everything else.
I'm making good money, I enjoy the company of co-workers and friends. I'm well liked and even respected by my peers. I have a beautiful young lady to conversate day and night... I'm left wanting for nothing....
Except maybe for my past to begin to fade into the background, so that I may become honored and respected for who I am today, rather than scowled upon and JUDGED for my mistakes of yesterday.
I have learned so much from those very mistakes, and would not change them even if I could, for in essense, that would be changing my path, who I have become. I see the value in the "wrong" turns I have taken, the "bumps" in the road along the way, and I feel blessed to recognize this, as I am now making different choices.... James Balwin once eloquently penned -- "To know where you are going, you must first know from whence you came" (loosly quoted).
I do know where I've come from, and not a path I will venture down again. My options are endless, although I am now choosing my steps and company carefully. I may not know where I will end up tomorrow, however, I can make different choices in order to ensure that I will not retread broken down trails....
I've given up trying to predict the future, living for tomorrow, today is here, so much more satisfying, not to mention, realistic.
I'm happy, in a nutshell, and that speaks volumes for everything else.
I'm making good money, I enjoy the company of co-workers and friends. I'm well liked and even respected by my peers. I have a beautiful young lady to conversate day and night... I'm left wanting for nothing....
Except maybe for my past to begin to fade into the background, so that I may become honored and respected for who I am today, rather than scowled upon and JUDGED for my mistakes of yesterday.
I have learned so much from those very mistakes, and would not change them even if I could, for in essense, that would be changing my path, who I have become. I see the value in the "wrong" turns I have taken, the "bumps" in the road along the way, and I feel blessed to recognize this, as I am now making different choices.... James Balwin once eloquently penned -- "To know where you are going, you must first know from whence you came" (loosly quoted).
I do know where I've come from, and not a path I will venture down again. My options are endless, although I am now choosing my steps and company carefully. I may not know where I will end up tomorrow, however, I can make different choices in order to ensure that I will not retread broken down trails....
Thursday, January 24, 2008
"The Compassionate Samurai"
So, I had the following in my inbox as a newsletter from "Hay House".... More often than not, I glance at the contents of these emails, then move on, leaving it unread. For some reason today, I became enthralled by just this glance, then compelled to read and now post the following excert. I guess someone "out there" needs to hear it as much as I do. I'm guessing this will be my next purchased read... maybe yours too???
Excerpt from The Compassionate Sumurai: Being Extraordinary in an Ordinary World by Brian Klemmer
Here’s a novel thought: All people have freedom. What about those who live under a dictator? They, too, have freedom. Why? Because it’s the ability to choose, and all human beings have that, as Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl has so eloquently described, even in unimaginable circumstances. However, the consequences of their choices are far different than average circumstances. And even though all people have freedom, very few enjoy liberty.
Liberty is the ability to do what you want to do when you want to do it, to go where you want to go when you want to go there. Most important, it’s the ability to be what you want to be when you want to be it.
Compassionate samurai search for choices, solutions, and meaning in life, rather than waiting for them to appear. They try to increase the liberty that they and others enjoy. They don’t shrink from tough choices simply because they don’t like the perceived outcomes.
I believe that of all the gifts God grants us, the most powerful is choice. It’s also a very useful tool if used skillfully. It has a power that gives us the potential winner’s edge all of the time. It’s the ability to create liberty. That might sound like an unrealistic philosophy, but it isn’t. What you pick now determines what you enjoy tomorrow. What you decide not to choose also determines what you’ll never have in this lifetime.
So at the end of the day—or even at the end of your life—you can be an average person and blame others for what did or didn’t happen for you. Or you can be a compassionate samurai and enjoy yourself even amid dire circumstances and create a life of liberty for yourself and others.
If liberty is so great, why aren’t there more compassionate samurai experiencing it? The answer is because there’s a cost for everything. There’s no free lunch. Every benefit has a corresponding cost or something you must give up. There’s a price to acknowledging that you have choices (as there are different consequences for pretending that you don’t). There are costs for making the compassionate samurai choice, as well as for taking the easier way out. At West Point, we were taught always to choose the harder right rather than the easier wrong. They were teaching us to be compassionate samurai. Some might argue about the compassionate part, but we’ll save that for another discussion.
If we wimp out and don’t make the right choices, we lose our liberty.
Frankl once recommended the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be complemented by a “Statue of Responsibility” on the West Coast. Perhaps he was saying that our liberty requires us to make good decisions. If we wimp out and don’t make the right choices, we lose our liberty. When we do this, we choose obvious short-term benefits with not-so-obvious long-term costs over obvious short-term costs that have not-so-obvious long-term benefits. The very nature of a compassionate samurai is to pick the latter.
I’m concerned with what I see in American society; in fact, that was the impetus for writing this book. Listen to average people complain about how their children won’t benefit from the Social Security program, yet they’re unwilling to change their lifestyle in any way. Look at how average people enjoy the benefits of their current status, but they shrink from considering the future environmental impact of their excesses on their grandchildren even to the point of being “confused” about whether global warming and other such issues are real.
Consider those who made huge amounts of money in the Enron, Tyco, and even Arthur Andersen scandals, with no concern for the thousands who lost their retirement savings as a result—let alone the damages the economy suffered or the cynicism about business that was generated. This isn’t really a new thing. Such behavior has occurred throughout history in nations and families who received abundance rather than earning it. A different, higher value is established when something is earned. When life is painful enough, moving forward becomes a more obvious and easier choice to make for the average individual.
Excerpt from The Compassionate Sumurai: Being Extraordinary in an Ordinary World by Brian Klemmer
Here’s a novel thought: All people have freedom. What about those who live under a dictator? They, too, have freedom. Why? Because it’s the ability to choose, and all human beings have that, as Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl has so eloquently described, even in unimaginable circumstances. However, the consequences of their choices are far different than average circumstances. And even though all people have freedom, very few enjoy liberty.
Liberty is the ability to do what you want to do when you want to do it, to go where you want to go when you want to go there. Most important, it’s the ability to be what you want to be when you want to be it.
Compassionate samurai search for choices, solutions, and meaning in life, rather than waiting for them to appear. They try to increase the liberty that they and others enjoy. They don’t shrink from tough choices simply because they don’t like the perceived outcomes.
I believe that of all the gifts God grants us, the most powerful is choice. It’s also a very useful tool if used skillfully. It has a power that gives us the potential winner’s edge all of the time. It’s the ability to create liberty. That might sound like an unrealistic philosophy, but it isn’t. What you pick now determines what you enjoy tomorrow. What you decide not to choose also determines what you’ll never have in this lifetime.
So at the end of the day—or even at the end of your life—you can be an average person and blame others for what did or didn’t happen for you. Or you can be a compassionate samurai and enjoy yourself even amid dire circumstances and create a life of liberty for yourself and others.
If liberty is so great, why aren’t there more compassionate samurai experiencing it? The answer is because there’s a cost for everything. There’s no free lunch. Every benefit has a corresponding cost or something you must give up. There’s a price to acknowledging that you have choices (as there are different consequences for pretending that you don’t). There are costs for making the compassionate samurai choice, as well as for taking the easier way out. At West Point, we were taught always to choose the harder right rather than the easier wrong. They were teaching us to be compassionate samurai. Some might argue about the compassionate part, but we’ll save that for another discussion.
If we wimp out and don’t make the right choices, we lose our liberty.
Frankl once recommended the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be complemented by a “Statue of Responsibility” on the West Coast. Perhaps he was saying that our liberty requires us to make good decisions. If we wimp out and don’t make the right choices, we lose our liberty. When we do this, we choose obvious short-term benefits with not-so-obvious long-term costs over obvious short-term costs that have not-so-obvious long-term benefits. The very nature of a compassionate samurai is to pick the latter.
I’m concerned with what I see in American society; in fact, that was the impetus for writing this book. Listen to average people complain about how their children won’t benefit from the Social Security program, yet they’re unwilling to change their lifestyle in any way. Look at how average people enjoy the benefits of their current status, but they shrink from considering the future environmental impact of their excesses on their grandchildren even to the point of being “confused” about whether global warming and other such issues are real.
Consider those who made huge amounts of money in the Enron, Tyco, and even Arthur Andersen scandals, with no concern for the thousands who lost their retirement savings as a result—let alone the damages the economy suffered or the cynicism about business that was generated. This isn’t really a new thing. Such behavior has occurred throughout history in nations and families who received abundance rather than earning it. A different, higher value is established when something is earned. When life is painful enough, moving forward becomes a more obvious and easier choice to make for the average individual.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Even Keel
I've been on a little bit of an even keel here of late... nothing too exciting nor disturbing... just livin'. I'm really okay with this, although, I admit, it's sometimes a bit of a drag. Mostly, going to work, hours on end, trying to make a quota, then sleeping little, and doing it all over again.
I got scared a few days ago however, after working almost 40 hours in three days, I felt as if my ankle was broken, literally, it felt like it did when I broke it. I put some arnica cream on it to reduce the swelling, still, when I tried to stand to go to the bathroom, I found I had to crawl, not even the assistance of my cane helped me w/that short jaunt.
I worry... am I just pushing to hard now, putting my body to the grindstone to make cash for today, and then tomorrow, I may pay with my vitality.
I try not to think about it, thus attract this fate, still, I'm exhausted.
I'm trying to make enough money to pay off all these legal debts that linger about... I go to Virginia in a few weeks, and besides the time off work, I have court costs and lawyer fees... I will be so happy and free to have this finally behind me.
Although, I will return, only to go to court here a few short weeks later.... I am so done w/that lifestyle, the one that lands me in a heap of a mess with little recollection of how I even got there.
Perhaps why I am thankful to have a new lovely lady in my life... sure, there are some issues, some bigger than others, still, I know that she is there for me in a way I haven't in some time. Things may seem boring, become even keel for a while, yet, there is constance, and I'm choosing that over sporadic crazyness right now.
I got scared a few days ago however, after working almost 40 hours in three days, I felt as if my ankle was broken, literally, it felt like it did when I broke it. I put some arnica cream on it to reduce the swelling, still, when I tried to stand to go to the bathroom, I found I had to crawl, not even the assistance of my cane helped me w/that short jaunt.
I worry... am I just pushing to hard now, putting my body to the grindstone to make cash for today, and then tomorrow, I may pay with my vitality.
I try not to think about it, thus attract this fate, still, I'm exhausted.
I'm trying to make enough money to pay off all these legal debts that linger about... I go to Virginia in a few weeks, and besides the time off work, I have court costs and lawyer fees... I will be so happy and free to have this finally behind me.
Although, I will return, only to go to court here a few short weeks later.... I am so done w/that lifestyle, the one that lands me in a heap of a mess with little recollection of how I even got there.
Perhaps why I am thankful to have a new lovely lady in my life... sure, there are some issues, some bigger than others, still, I know that she is there for me in a way I haven't in some time. Things may seem boring, become even keel for a while, yet, there is constance, and I'm choosing that over sporadic crazyness right now.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
With Love & Grattitude... Good-bye
I never loved so fervently, so carelessly, so freely, so completely, as I did you. I never knew whether I was coming or going when we were together... the time, it flew, but I knew, it was only for a time, and then days, weeks, even months would drag by with little or no word.
Maybe you were here only long enough to get me back on the right tract, at fining my own happiness and peace from within. Maybe you did teach me and nourish me in ways I could have learned from no other, including myself. I accept that you were here for a season and a reason, but a lifetime would have been too painful, for us both.
So, now, I am here, only to say good-bye, bid you farewell, and let you know that you were the answer to my prayers. I will always love you, that much I know, and my grattitude extends endlessly for you and our time....
Our time has ended, there's nothing left to say.
Maybe you were here only long enough to get me back on the right tract, at fining my own happiness and peace from within. Maybe you did teach me and nourish me in ways I could have learned from no other, including myself. I accept that you were here for a season and a reason, but a lifetime would have been too painful, for us both.
So, now, I am here, only to say good-bye, bid you farewell, and let you know that you were the answer to my prayers. I will always love you, that much I know, and my grattitude extends endlessly for you and our time....
Our time has ended, there's nothing left to say.
Monkey Shaken for Good
I'm not sure what happens exactly... seems like things are going along swimmingly, then suddenly, without a thoughtout process, I diverge. Creating some self-sabatoging scenerio or another.
Is it boredom, I wonder, or perhaps lack of self-esteem that has me to stray from the path I'm headed. Maybe there is just always gonna be a fork in the road, temptation stepping in for her appearance.
I claim that my will power is less than stellar at times, although, really, it only waivers when I am still undecided. Once I truly decide to do, or more likely, not do, one thing or the other, well, I honor myself.
Being indecisive is in my nature, being very Libran in that way. Yet, I'm seeing how this gets me into some unnecessary jams. I cautioned my past lover who has implored me to simply "let go, move on" that she may not really like the result of that manifestaion, in the long run, that is. For I know, once I do move on, well, there's no looking back.
I have moved on, and have found a kind, loving, gentle spirit to enjoy my days with, and she has my soul to smile once more. Yet, now, we are at a cross roads, and she wonders will she be able to continue, in light of my latest disappointment to her.
I try to explain, I just hadn't gotten to a place of decision until now. Now, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I will not go down that path again... I had to go there, one last time, to know, REALLY KNOW, that my life is complete and full without the influence of such harmful substance.
I made this decision without her influence, on my own accord, and maybe it seems foolish to have ever tested the waters again, after such a long absence, still, I did. I have no regrets... regret is a useless emotion in my opinion. The real question is if I learned anything... and I did, I learned that a monkey on my back can climb back up, even if shaken for numerous years, if I allow it. Will I allow it again??? Not a chance, now that my mind is made up, the possibility is forever denied.
I know it's asking a lot for her to trust me in this... we are still so new in our relating. Someone new in my life may see my latest failure as a mark of more to come, yet, an old friend would recognize and applaud how far I've come....
Is it boredom, I wonder, or perhaps lack of self-esteem that has me to stray from the path I'm headed. Maybe there is just always gonna be a fork in the road, temptation stepping in for her appearance.
I claim that my will power is less than stellar at times, although, really, it only waivers when I am still undecided. Once I truly decide to do, or more likely, not do, one thing or the other, well, I honor myself.
Being indecisive is in my nature, being very Libran in that way. Yet, I'm seeing how this gets me into some unnecessary jams. I cautioned my past lover who has implored me to simply "let go, move on" that she may not really like the result of that manifestaion, in the long run, that is. For I know, once I do move on, well, there's no looking back.
I have moved on, and have found a kind, loving, gentle spirit to enjoy my days with, and she has my soul to smile once more. Yet, now, we are at a cross roads, and she wonders will she be able to continue, in light of my latest disappointment to her.
I try to explain, I just hadn't gotten to a place of decision until now. Now, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I will not go down that path again... I had to go there, one last time, to know, REALLY KNOW, that my life is complete and full without the influence of such harmful substance.
I made this decision without her influence, on my own accord, and maybe it seems foolish to have ever tested the waters again, after such a long absence, still, I did. I have no regrets... regret is a useless emotion in my opinion. The real question is if I learned anything... and I did, I learned that a monkey on my back can climb back up, even if shaken for numerous years, if I allow it. Will I allow it again??? Not a chance, now that my mind is made up, the possibility is forever denied.
I know it's asking a lot for her to trust me in this... we are still so new in our relating. Someone new in my life may see my latest failure as a mark of more to come, yet, an old friend would recognize and applaud how far I've come....
Saturday, January 12, 2008
No Reason to Doubt
When I look into your eyes, I see you, know that you are real.
And sometimes I lose my breath when I imagine all I could feel
Your soul shines thru those compassionate, beautiful green eyes
And when I see disappointment reflecting, something in me dies.
So I start a new day with the promise to rebuild your trust,
And do my best, for I know that my feelings run deeper than lust.
Cuz with the desire to have you, is to know you, inside and out
And never give you another reason to ever doubt...
I am real, I am true, I am the lady who wants to accompany you.
And sometimes I lose my breath when I imagine all I could feel
Your soul shines thru those compassionate, beautiful green eyes
And when I see disappointment reflecting, something in me dies.
So I start a new day with the promise to rebuild your trust,
And do my best, for I know that my feelings run deeper than lust.
Cuz with the desire to have you, is to know you, inside and out
And never give you another reason to ever doubt...
I am real, I am true, I am the lady who wants to accompany you.
Friday, January 4, 2008
the new year...
My internet was out for a bit... this is what i wrote 12/31/07... things may have changed slightly, still, I'm posting it...
So, another year is gone... meaning, a new one is upon us. I'm hopeful for a rewarding, exciting new year. I feel strong and confident going into 2008. It's a "2" year for me, indicating strong partnership (according to numerology). This actually seems plausible now that Jac is completely out of my life. There was no "partnership" with her, though there has been a "ship" that sailed. Namely, I knew once i did let go, there would be no turning back, and, I HAVE FINALLY LET GO...
Mostly, I feel an unbelievable amount of freedom. I had allowed myself to be tethered down by the puppeteer, pulling all the strings. I actually feel physically ill in recalling all the hoops I jumped thru, all the time I bid, just in hopes to have some qualitity time with her. It had to be about the quality of time, for it certainly wasn't the quanity. I sometimes joke that we maybe had 6 months of "actual time together" out of the 2 1/2 year roller coaster ride... honestly, that was even a bit generous.
So now I am facing a new year... sor far, it looks pretty promisng. I am at the beginning stages of a new relationship with a gal that is very sweet, motivationatl and genuine. All three being very paramount in my life at the moment.
I suspect her influence and genuine pressense in my life will set me into motion to achieving my dreams. Already my creativity is peeked in conversation with her -- I find myself telling little stories purely for our amusement. Her christmas pressents to me were a leather bound journal and a frame for my degree. Along with the gifts was the slight nudge (in the right dirrection, I might add), that I only need to fill in the contents of the journal for my "first book" and "go pick up" my degree... yeah, sadly, I haven't done that in the past year and a half.
Knowing her for a month now, and already, she seems so genuinely concerned about my life. It's so refreshing. I can actually forsee a very warm, affectionate, equal partnership forming between her and I... given the chance...
So, another year is gone... meaning, a new one is upon us. I'm hopeful for a rewarding, exciting new year. I feel strong and confident going into 2008. It's a "2" year for me, indicating strong partnership (according to numerology). This actually seems plausible now that Jac is completely out of my life. There was no "partnership" with her, though there has been a "ship" that sailed. Namely, I knew once i did let go, there would be no turning back, and, I HAVE FINALLY LET GO...
Mostly, I feel an unbelievable amount of freedom. I had allowed myself to be tethered down by the puppeteer, pulling all the strings. I actually feel physically ill in recalling all the hoops I jumped thru, all the time I bid, just in hopes to have some qualitity time with her. It had to be about the quality of time, for it certainly wasn't the quanity. I sometimes joke that we maybe had 6 months of "actual time together" out of the 2 1/2 year roller coaster ride... honestly, that was even a bit generous.
So now I am facing a new year... sor far, it looks pretty promisng. I am at the beginning stages of a new relationship with a gal that is very sweet, motivationatl and genuine. All three being very paramount in my life at the moment.
I suspect her influence and genuine pressense in my life will set me into motion to achieving my dreams. Already my creativity is peeked in conversation with her -- I find myself telling little stories purely for our amusement. Her christmas pressents to me were a leather bound journal and a frame for my degree. Along with the gifts was the slight nudge (in the right dirrection, I might add), that I only need to fill in the contents of the journal for my "first book" and "go pick up" my degree... yeah, sadly, I haven't done that in the past year and a half.
Knowing her for a month now, and already, she seems so genuinely concerned about my life. It's so refreshing. I can actually forsee a very warm, affectionate, equal partnership forming between her and I... given the chance...
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