the new year...

My internet was out for a bit... this is what i wrote 12/31/07... things may have changed slightly, still, I'm posting it...

So, another year is gone... meaning, a new one is upon us. I'm hopeful for a rewarding, exciting new year. I feel strong and confident going into 2008. It's a "2" year for me, indicating strong partnership (according to numerology). This actually seems plausible now that Jac is completely out of my life. There was no "partnership" with her, though there has been a "ship" that sailed. Namely, I knew once i did let go, there would be no turning back, and, I HAVE FINALLY LET GO...

Mostly, I feel an unbelievable amount of freedom. I had allowed myself to be tethered down by the puppeteer, pulling all the strings. I actually feel physically ill in recalling all the hoops I jumped thru, all the time I bid, just in hopes to have some qualitity time with her. It had to be about the quality of time, for it certainly wasn't the quanity. I sometimes joke that we maybe had 6 months of "actual time together" out of the 2 1/2 year roller coaster ride... honestly, that was even a bit generous.

So now I am facing a new year... sor far, it looks pretty promisng. I am at the beginning stages of a new relationship with a gal that is very sweet, motivationatl and genuine. All three being very paramount in my life at the moment.

I suspect her influence and genuine pressense in my life will set me into motion to achieving my dreams. Already my creativity is peeked in conversation with her -- I find myself telling little stories purely for our amusement. Her christmas pressents to me were a leather bound journal and a frame for my degree. Along with the gifts was the slight nudge (in the right dirrection, I might add), that I only need to fill in the contents of the journal for my "first book" and "go pick up" my degree... yeah, sadly, I haven't done that in the past year and a half.

Knowing her for a month now, and already, she seems so genuinely concerned about my life. It's so refreshing. I can actually forsee a very warm, affectionate, equal partnership forming between her and I... given the chance...