A Love So Genuine

I've found myself wondering today, wondering if things would be different given the chance. I sometimes think the odds were stacked against us... things were always so hectic and challenging for you and I.

First there were living arrangement issues -- I can't really blame you for keeping your distance while I still lived with my ex-lover. Then when I did have my own place, money was always so tight. That coupled with the both of us attending school full time. It was difficult to be in a loving relationship without losing focus, in school, in our own hopes and dreams.

Of course, my freaking and fleeing the state when you broke things off to explore some deep seeded desires, well, that only complicated things worse. For then there were miles and mountains between us. Yet there was a love there that always surmounted whatever challenge arose. A love so rare, that I mistakenly thought that I had to fight with all my might not to lose it... lose you.

And this too was an issue, my unwillingness to let go....

So, now I have indeed let go, still, today I am thinking back to all that we have miraculously overcome in the past.... Surely it was not by sheer force of wills that we succeeded.

It was love... a love so genuine, so deep, so forgiving that it knew not how to just wilt and die. It knew not how to give up to the challenges of miles, broken promises, extreme mood swings or finances... It just kept resurfacing, stronger and stronger after each trial and tribulation.

So, what happened to that love now? Has it forever faded into the background while we make our journey onward with another? Or has it only subsided, to be resurrected at some later date? Would we ever dare to love again, even in light of all that has happened, after so much pain has come and gone?

I just keep wondering… if only things had been a little different… maybe if we had had more money, adequate time, some sort of a routine to settle into… maybe we could have focused more on the love and less on the obstacles, and maybe, just maybe, we would be in one another’s arms right now.