I'm feeling a little relieved to know that all these feelings of nostalgia are most likely spawned by Mercury being retrograde. It seems that this retrograde began on January 28th and won't end until the 18th of February. As I checked the dates of my latest blogs, it seems that the feelings that have been resurfacing, mostly for Jac, are quite possibly the result of this retrograde period, as feelings of nostalgia, or of "what might of been..." are to be expected during this time.
Of course, knowing this is somewhat helpful, however, it really isn't changing anything. I'm still missing her, wondering if she is doing ok, hoping that she is thriving and smiling, as she enjoys her journey. I think Rascal Flatts expresses this sentiment best in his song, "My Wish"....
"I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
More then anything, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more then you take.
Oh More then anything, Yeah, and more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish."
That is truly my wish... It doesn't matter so much that we can't journey together right now, so long as we both continue journeying, maybe stumbling from time to time, so long as we know how to pick ourselves back up, and trudge on.... And that is what I am doing, trudging on, sometimes covering all kinds of new ground, others, revisiting scenes that are all too familiar... especially in the recesses of my mind.
I know it is counter productive to play the "what if" game, still, I just can't seem to shake this feeling. Perhaps I should just accept it, stop resisting, and just feel what I am feeling... in this moment, I am feeling sad yet warm, as I recall all the feelings of love that we once shared.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
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