Missing Jac

The last few days, I've been missing Jac more intensly than I had... If I think back, it was right after I dreamt of her last, that she has barely strayed my mind. I dreamt that her and I were in bed, and she was telling me that her and her friend had split... I layed my head in her bossom, and just listened to the pain that another woman was causing her. It was hard for me to hear, but I just kept thinking, that she needed me to listen, and so, I did. I guess because it felt so real, I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

Maybe it's because we have always shared a strong connection in the dream realm... Though it may sound weird, we've actually had the same dreams, mostly when together, but also while we've been apart. She comes to visit me in my dreams occasionally, and just holds me, and when I awake from one of those times, the realization that she is not lying there beside me, creates the emptiest feeling I've ever known.

The toughest part isn't that she left me for another woman, I know there were many issues we still had to iron out, and not the kind that happens over night... trust, that was a big issue. I could never fully trust in us, us together. I knew it would only be a matter of time before she needed some "space" again. So, I tried, best I could to just relish the moment, be totally present, although admittedly my fear did get in the way. The toughest part is in letting go... truly, from my heart, just saying good-bye... and meaning it.

I am not there yet.