I had a dream last night... it felt like a gift, as it is the closure that I have desired for a while now. I've heard of dreams where someone "gives" you something, and in all actuality, they are giving you a soul piece... something that has belonged to you all along, yet, for whatever reason, this dream figure has come to give it back to the proper owner... me, in this case.
I dreamt that Jac came to me with a small black bag, she gave it to me, stating that God had told her to give this to me... or rather back to me, as the case seems to be. Inside this bag was the scrabble tile "U" along with sand.
Upon waking, it did not take long for me to figure out that the letter "U" sybolized me... it was in fact, me, who she was giving back to me. After a little research, I discovered that sand often sybolizes the "passing of time or time passed". I felt such freedom upon the realization that this dream was telling me that I have "ME" again, and that my time with Jac is Past...
I don't know which felt more uplifting... being free of the seemingly unending cycle of comings and goings between her and I, or the fact, that I completely have me now. It all feels grand... I feel grand... I am now basking in this feeling of completeness and freedom.
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3 comments:
Did u ever consider that Jac may have been holding "u" til u were ready to take care of u again, ready to live? Real forgiveness - inner peace -- comes when one sees the love in what one did ...when what one did "to u" becomes what one did "for u".
There is no need for forgiveness, for I harbor no ill feelings and recoginize the great value in even the times of pain. It was part of the dance, that she and I shared, and I would not change a single step of it. I have never felt that she "did anything to me", although I certainly do see and genuinely appreciate all she did "for me". Perhaps she was "holding me" until I was ready, still, I never asked to be "saved". I like me just as I am, f ups and all. I am now basking in that inner peace you speak of, and there is nothing but love left for her. I have fond memories, admiration, and endless grattitude for our time, and that is all there will ever be, as we voyage on, our paths have truly diverged.... It is my greatest desire that she is "enjoying the journey" as she fondly indicates so often.
"in order to save someone, you must first JUDGE them as needing saved". I don't blame you for not wanting to be "saved". Sounds like you are on your own way to enjoying your journey. Bravo and Fare - well!
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